Well there's been some changes in the essay but not an exorbitant amount. Hopefully you enjoy it.
Key Info
I think I covered most the info in the last time that there was a peer review, I guess just remind people that this is a "hot topic" nowadays and very relevant.
Major Weakness
Not something I would classify as a major weakness, but some would; I have no true personal arguments in this paper. I feel as though within this issue, it is so often that personal stories are discounted and tossed aside, so while I still used some pathos, logos and ethos are my main arguments within the paper.
Major Strengths
A major strength within this work in my opinion is that I do have a lot of arguments to support my side while acknowledging the other side, if it is with a bit of derision for their views but whatevers.
Fine Cut
Hey Alexis!
ReplyDeleteI really, really enjoyed reading your paper. It resonates so closely to me because some of my best friends are non-binary, and the fight for a correct pronoun should be ridiculous, but it's not. I'm so glad to see you write on such an important topic!
Here's what I noticed about your particular Standard College Essay:
→ It seems like the way you formatted your essay was presenting a counterargument and then presenting (really good) evidence on why that side is wrong. Although it's a really good method to go about it, it would've been nicer to me, as a reader, for you to organize your body paragraphs by importance. Whether the importance was to your argument or to all of society would've been up to you.
→ On that note, there seems to be no transitions between your paragraphs. As your reader, it was really hard for me to readjust after your points to move on to the next one.
→ I'm sorry to get real nitty gritty on you, but you have A LOT of punctuation errors within your essays. Most of them pertain with commas, colons, and semicolons. Although your content was good, the sudden appearance of unnecessary punctuation is distracting.
→ Your use of logos and ethos are beyond incredible! You have a ton of solid scientific and scholarly arguments behind you to defend your point, but I do wish I would've seen a little more of the pathos, especially since this topic is so dear to you.
That's all the really picky stuff I had to say. However, I feel like this was an amazing paper and I feel more informed on a topic I thought I was already on top of. Thank you so much for filling me in!!
Hi Alexis! Sorry this is a little late but here is my peer review for your fine cut:
ReplyDeleteI think you do a wonderful job of explaining the counter argument and giving a lot of context to the argument. I know it’s a very sensitive topic that takes a lot of knowledge and consideration to really write considerately about and you do a really great job of that.
I think the reasoning behind why you did not include any personal stories is well thought out. Your essay does not suffer from any lack of pathos. The inclusion of things like, “Like a child on a playground wanting to hurt another; a person shouts the wrong name, the wrong pronoun, they misgender the person and think they may be justified in doing so,” covers the area of pathos, in my opinion.
If you were to go back and edit it, which I also realize there is no time left to do, it could be interesting to add some stories not necessarily from personal experience but perhaps something to try to give the reader perspective on how those who do not identify as male or female feel when referred to by those pronouns.
Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. (: